Agents of SHIELD

Our Predictions for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Based on Everything We Know About Joss Whedon

• BY ADAM ROGERS
• 09.25.13
• 3:35 PM

Photo: ABC

Perhaps you have heard of Joss Whedon. For a while, he was just a sought-after movie script doctor and creator of cult TV science fiction. But then he wrote and directed Avengers, which made over a billion dollars. He’s working on a sequel, but he’s also returned to television, working with his brother and sister-in-law on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., a sort-of spin-off of Avengers. Maybe you are one of the nearly 12 million people who watched the pilot last night, in which a team of misfits came together to investigate mysteries of the week and face long-arc Big Bads.

Hey, come to think of it, that sounds kind of familiar. In fact, it sounds a lot like … all the other Joss Whedon shows. Now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’ve watched all of them, happily. In fact, with a few exceptions I’ve seen every bit of television and film that Whedon has worked on, including the uncredited stuff. OK, I missed the episodes of Roseanne he wrote, and I’ve intentionally avoided the last episodes of Buffy and Angel because they both live on forever in my memory. But other than that? I am on board. Plus, I wrote this story about Whedon when he did Avengers, I’ve interviewed him a half-dozen times, and I’ve read a big chunk of what everyone else has written about him. That doesn’t make me an expert—it makes me a typical Whedonite. (We can be a little obsessive.) But it has also given me a sense of his style. Joss Whedon’s storytelling mantelpiece is encrusted with Chekhovian firearms, and he spends a lot of time at the shooting range, if you know what I mean.

So after having watched the S.H.I.E.L.D. pilot last night, I have a few predictions — educated guesses, really, about where the show will go over the season. The predictions have some spoilers, too, so if you timeshifted the pilot and want to be surprised, stop reading. Otherwise, let’s meet back here in 22 weeks to see how I did. (My first guess, that Agent Coulson’s car would be able to fly, already came true. So until next week, at least, I am already doing better than chance.)

1. More Classic S.H.I.E.L.D. Gadgetry

The flying car is the sine qua non of S.H.I.E.L.D. tech — well, that and the Helicarrier — but in the comics (with which Whedon is deeply familiar), Nick Fury and his team had a whole bunch of other neat toys. Fury’s car also turned invisible, for one thing. And the covert agency loved to use holographic walls.

2. Coulson Is a Life Model Decoy

Agent Phil Coulson’s mysterious return from death at the hands of Loki in Avengers looks to be one of the show’s long-arc mysteries. So what’s up with that? Life Model Decoys, android replicas of real humans, were a go-to move in the Jim Steranko S.H.I.E.L.D. era and beyond. I suspect that Coulson is an LMD and Tahiti is an implanted memory, but my second guess is that the Coulson in the movie was also an LMD, and we’re going to see a guns-lots-of-guns rack of Coulsons, leading to Dollhouse-style agonizing over whether memories alone make us human and define us as individuals.

3. This Team of Misfits Will Become a Family

All these crazy kids will have to learn to rely on each other more than they ever thought they could, etc. Agents Grant Ward and Melinda May will both relate whatever traumas drive them, and heal. Bonus: a will-they-or-won’t-they dynamic for Ward and the hacker, Skye. (Speaking of Skye: Gosh, does Whedon have a preference in his ingénue aesthetics, or what? Brunettes with anime eyes are a thing.)

4. Marvel Easter Eggs

If ABC’s Once Upon a Time is any indication, the network has really figured out how to mine an obscure canon. Over at Once they do it with Disney; I’m betting S.H.I.E.L.D. will do the same with Marvel. Anything that’s not covered in the movie continuities or legally tied up at other studios should be fair game. With Whedon involved, I bet we can expect more Marvel ladies along the lines of the Black Widow. Expect a magical White Tiger amulet, a private detective with a cybernetic arm, a were-cat, and maybe an ex-S.H.I.E.L.D. agent in blue and white with an affinity for stick-fighting.

5. A Familiar Big Bad

Where there’s S.H.I.E.L.D., there’s Hydra. (“Hail Hydra!”) This mad-scientist Nazi organization was the source of evil in the first Captain America movie, but the line in the pilot about cutting off the head of the centipede was a tip-off. See, because the thing they always said about Hydra was that if you cut off one head, another takes its place. This’ll be the other long-arc reveal.

6. Another Familiar Big Bad

One of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s recurring nemeses in the comics was Scorpio, an astrology-themed megalomaniac (and Fury’s long-lost brother, naturally) with an extradimensional energy weapon called the Zodiac Key. All that feels pretty goofy to say out loud, much more native to comics than Whedon’s slightly more realistic take on the Marvel universe. But the Zodiac Key seems like an irresistible MacGuffin. If not this season, than next.

7. Location, Location, Location

How does that show Covert Affairs afford to film in locations all over the world? I have no idea. But clearly some kind of threshold for TV show travel budgets exists for hour-long dramas. I think Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to get better, which means more money, which means they won’t have to explain why every new super-powered person comes to Los Angeles, or a studio backlot.

8. He (or She) Was in on It All Along!

Think of the reveals and reversals in Whedon’s other shows. How many times did Angel and Spike change sides? Or Andrew? And I’m pretty sure everyone was working for at least two people onDollhouse. My bet for S.H.I.E.L.D.’s turncoats is on either Fitz or Simmons. Somebody’s a Hydra (or whoever) agent. Madame Hydra is probably off limits, because that’s an alias for Viper, and she was in the last Wolverine movie. But maybe one of them will turn out to be a Strucker twin?

9. Death

Whedon and the writers who’ve worked for him deserve their reputation for making viewers love characters and then killing them. Buffy’s mom, Wash from Firefly, Ballard on Dollhouse, Coulson inAvengers — dead, dead, dead, dead (and also alive). The question is, which secondary character onAgents will viewers grow to love the most? Because that one is doomed. I vote for Fitz or Simmons, whichever one doesn’t turn evil. With a corollary! If Coulson is one of a series of Life Model Decoys, then the one we’ll get to know will die this season … and we’ll get a new one next season. And he won’t know he’s an LMD, either. But everyone else will. Actually, I sort of hope this prediction doesn’t come true, because I’d like to use it in my fanfiction.